The Girl from Berlin: War Criminal's Widow Page 11

  “We don’t have to make such choices in our country.”

  “Thank God that you don’t, but what about us?”

  “Well, probably he should have thought about it earlier before joining the Nazi Party and the SS in particular.”

  “Could you please at least try and talk to your superiors?” I asked tiredly. “It’s due to his interference that the extermination program was stopped. And the persecution of the church. And he pardoned a lot of people, who Müller was ready to execute… Doesn’t it mean anything at all?”

  The American sighed and became silent for a minute.

  “Mrs. Friedmann, I promise you that I will talk to my commanders. I can promise you that I will tell them your exact words and will describe the situation as you described it to me. But I can tell you right away that the answer will be negative. So take my advice: tell Dr. Kaltenbrunner to ask those people who made this money to make him a nice new passport. And as soon as he has it in his hands, tell him to get out of the country and run as far as he can.”

  I didn’t look away as he was saying it. I was ready to hear something like that, but who could blame me for taking a chance and asking him?

  “Thank you, Florin. I’ll tell him.”

  _______________

  Zurich, January 1945

  “Mama, don’t take too many things. You won’t be able to carry it all.”

  I was supervising my parents pack, making sure that they would take everything they need. Heinrich had just finished arranging everything with the Americans, and tonight they were supposed to take both my parents, my grandmother Hilda, our dogs, Ursula and little Greta out of Switzerland. They weren’t in any kind of danger on the territory of the neutral country, but Heinrich didn’t know how much time we had before both fronts would start closing on Germany and wanted to make sure that at least my family would be taken care of on American land, in case if something happened to us.

  “What about you, honey? Are you and Heinrich coming later?”

  “No, Mama. We can’t go yet, we have work to do.”

  “Work?! What work? Are you insane?” My father threw the rest of the books he was holding into the suitcase and was looking at me in disbelief. “You’re going to become a mother soon. You have to think about your child. And now you’re telling me that you’re staying in Berlin, with all the bombings, because of the work? For that hell of a place called the RSHA?!”

  “No, Papa. The work with people who will help you get out. Why do you think the American intelligence are helping us?”

  It was time to finally tell them everything. I knew that they wouldn’t leave me alone with all their questions and reproaches anyway.

  “Heinrich told us it was some sort of a deal he made with them…” My father didn’t grasp what I was saying yet.

  “He lied. They’re helping us because we’ve been working for them all along. And when the war is over we’ll join you in New York. Now please, keep packing, we only have several hours left.”

  “But honey…” My mother blinked at me several times. “What are you saying? You’re…”

  “Yes, Mama, I’m a counterintelligence agent working for the United States pretending to be a faithful Nazi in the eyes of my government. I’m glad we clarified that, now please, keep packing!”

  “Honey, but it’s so dangerous! Why didn’t you tell us before? How long have you been… what if your boss finds out? He will execute both of you!”

  “He already knows. Mama, we don’t have much time, please, hurry up, I’ll answer all your questions when we’re all in New York.”

  “What do you mean he knows?”

  “Mama!”

  “How come he hasn’t ordered to execute you yet?”

  “Papa, now you’re going to start too?”

  “I’m just trying to understand what’s going on here, and I refuse to go anywhere before you explain everything to me as it is.”

  With those words he sat on the bed with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Fine. I’ll tell you everything as it is, but you have to promise me that right after that you don’t ask a single question, pack the rest of your stuff and sit and wait for agent Florin and his people to pick you up. I still have to go by Ursula and make sure that she’s ready as well. Deal?”

  “Deal.” My father sighed and pursed his lips.

  “Dr. Kaltenbrunner is working with us too. To a certain extent of course, as long as his position allows him. And the reason why you shouldn’t worry about him executing us, is that it’s his baby I’m having, and he feels guilty before my husband. There, good fulfilling explanation. Back to your suitcases, please.”

  The shock on both their faces was more than obvious.

  “What?” My mother finally regained control of her voice.

  “You promised no questions.”

  I pushed the suitcase closer to the poor woman and went to the hallway.

  “I’m going to check on Ursula. When I’m back at six I want to see you packed, dressed and ready to go.”

  I never gave orders in that manner to my parents, but in this situation it was the only possible way to make them go, go to an alien country the language of which they didn’t speak, and leave everything behind, including their only daughter and her husband. And now on top of everything they knew what their daughter and son-in-law had been doing all this time. And that their sweet little girl, their ‘princess,’ was having a baby with the Chief of the RSHA, who was no less than evil embodied in their eyes. I felt guilty, but just for a moment; I had more important things to do than concern myself with the feeling of guilt. I had mine and Max’s family to take care of.

  _______________

  Berlin, February 1945

  I was late for work that day because my new, second already, two sizes bigger uniform skirt refused to fit my very round belly, even unbuttoned. Heinrich and I were able to find a small vacant house near the RSHA building and finally relieved Ernst from our company and from Otto’s questions. I don’t think he wanted us to leave, no matter how strange our living situation was. Somehow we were able to co-exist quite comfortably like one big and very extraordinary family. It was war time after all, and things stranger than that happened every day.

  However, we rarely stayed by our house and almost moved to 8 Prinz-Albrechtstrasse, like many other staff members. It was getting more and more difficult to get to work because of the destroyed streets and roads, and besides our office building had all the necessary accommodations almost like a high class hotel: we had a nice cafeteria with great food, showers, a very safe bomb shelter and also we were all together there, and when you’re together, it’s not so frightening – the war, the bombings and the threat of the rapidly approaching allied armies from both fronts.

  “To hell with it!” I finally gave up on the skirt, took scissors in my hand and cut the skirt in the back till it felt somewhat comfortable. Good thing my jacket is long and no one will see it. The truth was that I just wanted to go back to the office that I used to hate not that long ago, but which turned out to be the safe place where everybody wanted to hide. Last night Heinrich had to stay in the office a little longer; I went home, but just as he was about to leave, the new air raid started and he had to spend the night in the RSHA, while I had to sleep in the basement all by myself. It was terrifying, and I decided to never go home alone again.

  The office was a buzzing mess, as it had been probably since the beginning of the year. The Allies had already destroyed twenty other buildings under the Reich Main Security Office control, and all the recovered documentation and staff had to be taken to our main office, which surprisingly was still intact.

  The anteroom didn’t look much better. Georg was buried under a pile of paperwork and reports that adjutants from different departments kept dumping on his table, and tried to sort the papers out while holding the phone between his ear and shoulder. The number of people waiting for their appointments was impressive as well. As I entered, they turned
to me with some desperate confusion, and now that I heard Ernst’s angry voice from behind the closed doors of his office, I understood the meaning of those looks. Everybody was petrified of the Austrian, unpredictable when in a fury. I looked at Georg and he just rolled his eyes with a pained expression on his face and, covering the phone with one hand, whispered to me, “Can you please go inside and tell him that people are waiting for him? Last time I tried, he threw an ink bottle at me. I’m not going in there anymore today!”

  I smiled sympathetically and opened the door to Ernst’s office. He was on the phone as well, and I immediately felt bad for the person on the other end. The Chief of the RSHA was outraged, and I wondered about the reason that made him tear up in little pieces what seemed to be a newspaper not that long ago, several reports along with it, and break not only the ink bottle aimed at poor Georg, but a full coffee set as well. He didn’t even notice me, and kept yelling at his subordinate while running his hand through his hair, which didn’t stop the bangs from falling onto his eyes.

  “This is absolutely outrageous!!! How could you allow this to happen?! The whole town!!! Our own people!!! This is your responsibility! Evacuate them! All the women and children! Do something!!! Get women out of the closest towns, make them leave! I don’t care where!!! I don’t give a fuck that you have an order, I’m giving you the new order! Get. Them. Out!!!”

  Ernst smashed the phone on the receiver with such force that it made a short ringing noise. I jerked instinctively. He finally concentrated the gaze of his angry, black eyes on me and his features relaxed a little. Now he looked more concerned than irritated.

  “Oh, it’s you. I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you.”

  I walked over to him indecisively as he was lighting up another cigarette. I quickly glanced at the ashtray and noticed that it was already full, even though it was only morning. Ernst blew out a cloud of smoke and hugged me gently, but I still couldn’t help but notice how tense his body was under my arms.

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. How do you feel today?” He switched the topic and I realized that whatever happened wasn’t good, and he clearly didn’t want me to hear about it.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You were late and I started to worry.”

  “I’m sorry, my skirt wouldn’t close on me.” I smiled embarrassingly.

  “That’s good.” He affectionately petted my belly with a very proud expression on his face. “Our son is growing big and healthy.”

  “Why are you so sure that it’s a boy?”

  “Of course it’s a boy. It has to be.” He sounded very sure of it for some reason.

  “Why?” I laughed.

  “We killed so many men at this war. So many young, good soldiers… We need boys now like never before. The new generation of Germans, better than we are. Otherwise who’s going to protect our women?” he said, suddenly looking very sad. “We certainly didn’t do a good job.”

  “What are you talking about?” I tried to look him in the eyes, but he quickly averted them, shook his head as if making me disregard his last remark, kissed me on top of my head and went to the bathroom to wash his face.

  Meanwhile I started picking up the pieces of china from the floor together with the torn newspaper, and then my eyes caught a piece of the headline. It was all ripped, but it wasn’t hard to make out the whole thing. ‘Mass suicides wipe out another town as the Soviet army approaches… Germans are forced to kill their families before taking their own lives so they wouldn’t fall into the barbaric enemy’s hands… Mass rapes and killings… The brutal Red Army’s retaliation… German soldier, fight for every house, don’t let an Aryan woman fall into the paws of the dirty Bolshevik savages…’

  I put the paper away and decided not to read the sickening details of how the approaching Red Army was taking their wrath and vengeance on the innocent civilians. On the other hand, how many of their innocent civilians had we, the Germans, raped and killed on their territory? It was us who started it all… now it was payback time. I shuddered at the thought. The sooner we sign the peace with the Allies the better. I definitely wouldn’t want to be in Berlin when the Soviet army would enter it. Judging by the newspaper, and I doubted that it was another piece of propaganda spread by Dr. Goebbels, the Soviet soldiers’ mood was far from forgiving.

  Ernst came out of the bathroom wiping his face with a towel and then tugged on the collar of his shirt, as if it was hard for him to breathe. His eyes stopped at the paper I was holding.

  “You didn’t read it, did you?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not a child, and it’s the war. You can tell me everything, I’d rather know the truth than be in the dark.”

  He slowly walked up to me and softly brushed my cheek.

  “Annalise, you know that I love you very much, right?”

  I nodded.

  “But if those unworthy, dirty, disgusting Bolshevik bastards come to Berlin, I’ll kill you. It’s my duty, as a German man, you understand? I’ll have to do it because I love you too much.”

  “You don’t have to explain. I understand everything.”

  Strange things lovers say to each other sometimes in confirmation of their feelings; but even stranger things they say and do in the time of war. Whatever would seem appalling to me in the peaceful times now made perfect sense. And no matter how petrifying it may sound, deep inside I was a little relieved to hear his words.

  _______________

  “Ernst, this is really pathetic!” Otto shook his head watching the Chief of the RSHA wrapping a chicken and potatoes in several layers of paper. “Are we seriously appropriating the RSHA kitchen’s property?”

  Ernst didn’t even blink and added several oranges, a loaf of bread, canned sardines and two chocolates to the improvised paper bag.

  “It’s not my fault that my maid had left the city and we all have to eat something. You’re going to thank me later tonight.”

  It still got dark early in February, and the nights were always blood-freezing cold. We were staring at the flames of Ernst’s fireplace later that night like the first people looking for some mystical meaning in it. The chicken was long gone, and I was finishing the last orange that Ernst had cut for me. Heinrich had left to the Western front for some Department D business, but prior to that asked his chief to take care of me, which he, Ernst, was happily doing.

  “How is everything in Austria?” Ernst quietly asked his friend.

  Otto had just made another trip to see how the construction of the possible last headquarters was going, and had reported on the progress to the Chief of the RSHA as soon as he returned. But it wasn’t the report that interested Ernst.

  “Everything’s very quiet and peaceful. The snow is white and clear, as always, people are going to the mountains for ski rides on weekends… As always at this time of the year. It’s nice… It’s Austria, what else do you want me to say?” Otto finished his thought with a dreamy smile, which immediately reflected on Ernst’s tired face.

  “Yes… Austria. Home… What are we doing here?”

  “Just a couple of years ago you couldn’t wait to get to Berlin.”

  “I hate it here. I’m exhausted. I want it all to be over with so I can go back home.”

  “Me too.”

  “You’re such a suck-up. You’d go whatever I’d go,” Ernst chuckled kind-heartedly.

  “I would,” Otto agreed without a trace of his usual sarcasm. “We can go right now. Why not? Make something up about the necessity of supervising everything yourself, dump that stupid RSHA on Himmler and let’s go. Can you imagine, in only a short time there wouldn’t be any bombings, no hungry people waiting for soup kitchen trucks in the freezing cold, no all this… depression. Let’s go, what do you say?”

  “I can’t. Not now at least. Himmler will ruin everything.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “After the Allies had liberated Auschwitz, he ordered the evacuation of the rest of the camps. Not at once of
course, but as the threat of them being liberated approaches, so the enemy wouldn’t see what we were doing all this time to those people. Did I tell you how in December, when the Führer awarded me with the Cross for War Merits, Himmler was shaking my hand and saying what a smart idea it was to stop the extermination program, and how I was looking into the future. Not because he cared about the people at all, no, he just thought that it was a very smart political move. He right away ordered the destruction of all the crematoriums in Auschwitz as if they never existed, and wants to do the same with the rest of the camps. Kill all the inmates on the territory of Germany, bury them in some sort of mass graves and destroy the rest of the camps in order to cover everything up, as if the extermination program never existed.”

  “It does sound kind of logical, you have to admit…” Otto slightly inclined his head towards his friend.

  “Logical? Even if I pretend for a second that I’m fine with the mass murder of tens of thousands people, and I am everything but, but there’s no way he’ll be able to pull this kind of maneuver, and the Allies won’t notice anything. Somebody will escape, somebody, maybe one of the former guards, falls in the hands of the Allies, and he tells them everything. Can you imagine how furious they will be? Do you seriously think they will deal with the new government, which is controlled by such a cunning, double-faced leader? Because that’s exactly where our dear Reichsführer is aiming at.”

  “Hitler is still alive.”

  “Barely.”

  “You’ll get shot if somebody hears you.”

  “Are you going to make a report on me?”

  “I’ll rip my own tongue out before I do.” Otto shrugged. “So what are you going to do with Himmler?”

  “I don’t know yet. He’s a very slippery person. Plotting something together with his little buddy Schellenberg again… He’s the Minister of the Interior now, and his SS are fighting in both fronts, which makes him almost equal to the army marshals. He’s never been so powerful before, and now, God forbid if something happens to the Führer, and his health is deteriorating very fast, he’ll be the one taking over the power. And nobody will say a word, because he has his own SS army to protect him. There’s no way I’ll hand him the RSHA as well.”